


Observations

by waywardscenarios



Series: A Thousand and One Nights [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A Thousand and One Nights AU, Bad Poetry, Gen, Introspection, Lost Love, Multi, One-Shots, Other, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Poetry, Romance, Side Story, like actually terrible im sorry, platonic friendship, read the original story first to understand, universe expansion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 06:31:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16153538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardscenarios/pseuds/waywardscenarios
Summary: To us,In hopes that maybe one dayWe will be okay





	1. A Thousand and One Nights

**Author's Note:**

> the main ATAON story was originally posted September 19th 2017... happy belated birthday ATAON... where does the time fly?

The nights drone on and on  
And over and over I sit above the world  
Waiting for someone  
or something

And like a bolt from the blue  
He appeared.  
And like the void in my mind,  
He has yet to leave

I see his eyes in the darkness of the night  
When all is hidden and where  
My sins cannot  
Find me.

Though we have never touched  
I feel the ghosts of his hands on my body  
And in these moments I lie in wait for a reality that  
Never comes

I see his eyes in my dreams, amidst the  
Dizzying haze of life and cannot  
Help but be pulled by some force of nature towards him,  
Further and further

He is a man of reason,  
Yet he cannot deny the story he has lived  
A life of pure make-believe made real  
By his own hands and heart

Captivating  
Perhaps in all the wrong ways

Like the moon pulls the waves,  
He draws me in until I am away  
From the known shore and into  
An uncontrollable whirlpool.

I _drown_.  
It does not bother me.

I recognise him  
I recognise me  
The broken and pitiful,  
A silent plea that remains unanswered

I see his eyes in my own reflection.  
See a past mirrorlike to my own  
See the fragments of a story of someone just as so and realise  
I want to know.

His eyes hold a thousand nights  
Filled with stories that I have heard before.  
But for him;  
I would not mind listening to just one more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The catalyst for the anthology’s creation, the opening poem to the ‘Observations’ anthology provides a brief glimpse into the life of Writer in a way she had desperately tried to keep separate for so long. This was the first poem in the entire anthology that was penned, and was the same poem that Makki and Bokuto read in Chapters 10 and 16 respectively. It expresses the emotions Writer has towards the stranger next door, admitting to both the curious positive and negative reminders the man gives her. And, in typical Writer fashion, it’s completely ambiguous in what it really means. This poem can be read with either romantic or platonic undertones, however there is certainly a narrative leaning to the former. The version Oikawa recites in Chapter 28 is the original version I had written in the very early planning stages of ATAON, however I decided to extend it in order to make is seem like a more substantial piece. 
> 
>  
> 
> I was going to explain some of the techniques and allusions and whatever, but I feel like it’s more fun to watch you all figure that out. So have fun analysing all twenty of these suckers :)


	2. Coalesce

He hangs to his lover the way leaves do the branch  
Natural, as if he was meant to be on his arm  
And yet when the winter comes to separate them  
They do not.  
They break the wind that whips around them  
Warming each other’s frozen hearts as if second nature.

Lovers.  
I envy them.

The feeling lingers underneath my skin  
And surges like electricity  
That forces life into tired bones  
As if reminding me of the failures that  
I have helped foster from my faults  
And yet cannot be blamed for

Green with envy blue  
Blue with a saddened smile  
A point of no return  
That I wish to never say aloud  
For admittance is often a loss  
And I have always been a loser

They are not, though  
And the times are changing far faster  
Than we all would like  
And the red that attaches them is as clear as  
The day is long  
And is far stronger than the will of the world.

And the days continue on and their smiles become a norm  
The bitterness fades into bite-size pieces  
More digestible than the ones  
Once forced down my throat  
And suddenly there’s something akin to sweetness  
Yellow in colour, and more warm than the yuletide

Lovers  
I wish them well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Focused on the relationship Mattsun and Makki have with each other, “Coalesce” explores (briefly) the jealousy Writer has towards something as simple as their love. Though it’s annoying and convoluted, there is an honesty and purity to something like commitment that reminds her of the nicer things in life that she never really fawned over. It expresses her expectancy for a fitting conclusion for the couple, and is the first real sign of change for Writer as a person. Also one of the first poems to be written, being featured originally in Chapter 6, it isn’t canonically finished until sometime after Chapter 8.


	3. Prophet

Ink paints the sky when the sun sets  
and yet the darkness does not reach beyond the walls  
She stands behind.  
Instead she is circled by her own halo of stars  
No constellations, merely sources of false hope that  
Do nothing to sooth the eye  
But awaken it  
Make it sore.

A glint of hope,  
One unlike the type  
That dots ends of questions  
And forces man to take pause,  
Is not immediately answered, but is instead  
Ignored  
By the one who provides the chance  
For enlightenment

And then the light of distant fires fade  
Leaving only one,  
Candlelight,  
And with it a whispered prayer that once fell on  
Unbothered ears too caught up in  
Life’s torture  
and finally finds purchase in the darkened thoughts of  
a False Idol.

Sympathy  
or something close to it  
Reciprocated in ways that are not unknown to them both  
Shared over a counter in between the beeps of  
A barcode and the flickering of fake lights  
That fills a silence that will never be filled  
Unless the first move is taken by the  
Wrong-doer

Hands raised and crossed above the chest  
And head bowed in sorrow  
Descends the pride into a pit  
to be scrutinised by the follower  
Roles reversed in a strange twist of the Fates  
God poised like a priest  
And follower bestowing jurisdiction,  
Wielding almighty power

Silence  
Truly a scary sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the only pieces in this anthology not inspired by someone from the main cast, “Prophet” is written for Yamashita Haruko as a means of both dashing the admiration the girl has for her, and an apology for the attitude the writer has been giving the girl. Atonement is never easy, and the work begins the process for our Writer’s slow emergence into maturity. It flips the switch on the relationship they share. Fun fact; Haruko’s copy of the anthology has another personal apology written on the inside of the back cover.


	4. Façade

He is not like the rest of us.  
He hides in fear of the words  
We speak and think  
Of him.

Layers of armour,  
Hundreds of soldiers,  
All guard who he is in favour of  
Who he wants to be

But I know his truth  
I see his truth when the armies retreat  
And leave him  
Like most men do.

Put up the good fight  
To save your own soul  
To better yourself  
To appear stronger

But under the façade I know,  
I can read you as well as I myself  
And the mask you wear is convincing  
But not enough

So I will watch, and wait  
For the cues and tells of your body  
For the moments where you strengths  
Are weaknesses

And vice versa

I will wait for the façade to  
Fracture  
And I know you will do the same  
For me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second work about Oikawa Tooru, written loosely around the many moments where Writer was certain she saw the simultaneous glances of the Fakekawa and Oikawa in his façade. Almost like a call-out poem to Oikawa and, by extension, to Writer, “Façade” is a bit more realistic to the antagonistic relationship the two share – both with each other and with their own insecurities – which acts as a means to contrast the ambiguity of the introductory poem. This was written somewhere between Chapters 10 and 11, when Writer was still mulling over the apologies and fights that had occurred over the course of a few weeks.


	5. Electric

Leave my heart undisturbed  
Let it recover from the recoil  
That your hope distils  
Like the liquor that warms my blood

And instead let the guilt  
Recede  
Like water down a drain  
In times of peace

Light a fire in my soul  
One that has never existed  
When the days were easier  
And the nights weren’t so long

Sensations  
Not exactly missed  
But not necessarily  
Undesired

I no longer  
Wish for loneliness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicitly written for Hanamaki Takahiro, Writer uses “Electric” as a roundabout way to thank her friend and editor for having more faith in her than every other editor before him. One of the final poems to have been written, Makki is sill vaguely unaware that this piece is about him, and instead he attributes it to something about Mattsun or Oikawa or Makoto. It’s one of the shorter works in the anthology, but Writer considers that apart of its charm and would not change it.


	6. Miss Fortune

The Mistress of Fortune favours The Bold  
Fortune favours The Beautiful  
And yet on you,  
It Frowns  
Displeased

Success comes in waves  
And is uneven in its distribution  
As if there were even a way to  
Monitor the changes of  
Fate itself.

As if pain were not the ultimate price,  
The ultimate bribe,  
You quiver and shake  
From the impact of  
Life

With Waxen Wings and land on  
Shaky Knees;  
A roulette where pain is  
The Only Outcome

It is no wonder  
When those who see you only  
Adorn their gazes with  
Awe at your  
Resiliency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A third Oikawa poem, more so an examination on all his character flaws after Writer begins to look into the way he became the Limpy she grew to know. The same acknowledgement of the unfairness of talent and luck is expressed, with a similar sentiment of disgust at how unfortunate his soul is. But it’s the first real compliment Oikawa receives from Writer in the entire ATAON timeline, considering that this was written as one of the earlier poems of the anthology.


	7. Osaka Sky

Home.  
The word familiar on my lips  
But has never meant more than  
The thing I have never had nor  
Needed

Hope.  
Something I had in my youth  
Slowly falling to falsehoods  
That withered after neglect from  
Myself.

Place.  
A sense of something  
Never needed for someone without  
Object permanence

And yet I desire it  
All

Years of denial has lead me to  
Revelations that ruin worlds,  
Turn to ash the routines  
Dictated by comfort

And suddenly I crave for something  
More.  
More than I’ve ever been  
And more than I can ever have

Because fate is unfair  
And I am an unlucky bastard.

And yet knowing this  
When I look to the sky  
I don’t feel pain

Instead I feel nothing.  
Emptiness.  
A comfort.  
A pleasure.

Reality breaks the same way  
Dawn does.

Because I could be anywhere  
And find myself longing   
The Osaka Sky is the same  
As in Tokyo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first work in the anthology that is more introspective to Writer’s personality, life, and circumstances. “Osaka Sky” was written in a moment of weakness experienced by our protagonist, and is the aftermath of her working through the uncertainties of her choices. Explored again in the encounter with the her father in Chapter 13, the poem acts as Writer’s way of trying to attach meaning to the city she currently resides in when the world she has constructed is continuously falling apart around her.


	8. Landslide

Bury me in the rubble  
Leave me in the destruction of  
My own creation  
I need no redemption

Pity is not in my mind  
I do not seek  
Sympathy of any kind  
Nor do I need it

I am fine with  
What could have been  
What I did not do  
What had got away from me

But I cannot help but  
Hate You  
And what you stand for  
And what I fell for

And I know its childish  
But we never really grow up  
And in a world filled with hatred  
I remain the shining beacon of

Example

These feelings crush me  
Like a landslide  
But do not deter me  
From the path life has weaved

I anticipate the death  
of a dream once earned  
Once sought after  
And will put it to rest

Reluctantly

Buried in the landslide of my  
Own creation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! This one’s about Honda Natsuki! Written as a mix of pre-Honda during high school and post-Honda after the Tokyo Literary Festival in Chapter 11, Writer vents the frustrations of her ex-rival in a way she believes is true to the narrative. Though it is framed from the perspective of the competing creator, it also subtly portrays Writer’s own frustrations with her creations in a time where the burnout is still somewhat being ignored by her circumstances.


	9. Deuce

Fuck you.  
And your stupid face  
White lie of Good Intentions  
And the like because of selfishness

Damn you.  
For your rights and wrongs  
That make sense in the scheme  
We all must play together

You exist to mock me  
A reminder of all that I had  
And all that I am  
Is partially due to

You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The shortest poem in the entire anthology, this one is written explicitly about Hisakawa. Y’know, Head of Literature at Kodansha, the dude who constantly breathed down Writer’s neck. Also one of her ex-editors, as mentioned in the Q&A from the original story. It’s a submission of his successes with her, reluctantly, but still an admittance all the same. Self-explanatory really; Writer kept it short and simple, and dealt with the fallout of Hisakawa having read between the lines during a final reading of the work and knowing it was about it.


	10. Infinite

My path spreads across  
Many realities  
Stretching to infinities larger  
Than anything I previously knew

And it seems  
I Knew Nothing  
For any value I thought I loved  
Is Meaningless

And perhaps it is better  
This way.  
If I leave behind whatever  
Reservations I have

But we do not get  
To infer our importance  
To the people and possibilities  
We leave behind

For it is in the uncertainty  
Of Tomorrow  
That leads us to the  
Beauty of an End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another introspective work, written in an attempt to deal with the several steps to Stop Being an Ass. It is also the work quoted by Akaashi and Bokuto in Chapter 25 in their encounter. The poem admits the end of whatever possibilities Writer wants for herself in order to accept the possibilities that are truly out of her control. It’s also somewhat a type of atonement to her actions with Makoto, due to the fact it was written simultaneously with the one written for her best friend.


	11. Fragment

Knock-kneed and deep in the waves of  
Lacklustre rust and shine  
My body willingly floats in  
The Nothingness of false hope and warmth  
and all falls across an eye left matted  
With regrets and  
What ifs

Breathing punctuated by  
Clinks of a can   
Or ball and chain  
Weighing own taut against strained ankles  
From rising and falling over and  
Over again

My lungs know not of air  
Nor does my liver know peace  
In the same way my mind has not  
Known anything more than self-ridicule  
in all the years it has been  
Alive

And in the bleariness of fatigue  
And the warmth blossoming under weary skin  
Questions ring out,  
Pealing Church bells in the night  
All drowned by the litany of a forgotten

Why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written in a drunken haze, “Fragment” is the work that emerged from the feelings Writer hid away whenever she took to drinking. A self-lamenting poem that forces Writer to really try and comprehend the ongoing nightmare she tends to make for herself when she drinks. This work is, surprisingly, Hisakawa’s favourite since he considers it the writer’s admission of a drinking problem. Despite having written all these poems, Writer (still) will never admit her faults the Head Editor.


	12. Trust

You put your faith in my judgement  
I put my heart in your hands  
And wait for something  
Akin to answers or explanations

Always waiting,  
Like flowers wait for rain  
Or a speaker waits for silence  
Amidst the sounds of Life

I think I will always find you  
Or the way back to your heart  
Like a familiar road  
Or an oasis in the desert

For even when we are miles apart  
I know you will stand by me  
Like the cliff-face against the ocean tide,  
Unyielding

And I trust that I will  
Find you  
And that you will  
Find me

Like you always have  
Our lives are silver -  
Because pure gold is weak  
And bronze is not beautiful

So I will love you  
And the love you give me  
Will suffice  
For Now, until I can love myself again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the only poems to be published in the original story in its entirety, Writer wrote this specifically for Makoto as a means of penance. Though it can be applied for Makoto and her now husband, the intentions behind the work focused on acknowledging how much Makoto meant to Writer, and how much she took for granted in what they had. Also, in the wake of the reconciliation in Chapter 16, Writer decides to use this for the speech she knows she’ll end up giving at her wedding, and uses the double meanings of the poem to reflect the relationship Makoto and her future husband share with each other. Makoto’s copy also has been signed on the starting page of the poem, with a small drawing of the Writer in full kowtow in the bottom corner.


	13. Parallel

My body locks its joints with fear  
Chills up and down every part of  
My Being  
Because my mind is plagued

The voices sound like him  
I don’t know why

And I am confused by the way  
It feels so natural to look at him  
As if my eyes were always meant  
To be on him

Share a similar fate  
Connected by stars that never  
Truly align because of  
Circumstances

And yet I am forced to wonder  
Whether our differences were  
Something more or something less  
Than Good Fortune

If our paths aligned before  
Our fates do then  
What does that mean for the  
Unfortunate Souls unlike us

Who lament and rue of change  
That may never come

So forgive me,  
There must be reason  
To my vagueness and your  
Hostility

But something within us wants us to  
Be Good.

Sincerity is not in my vernacular  
But learning is  
And I will try to apply all that makes us different  
To make us better

A life worth exploring,  
And a life lived in  
The reflection of  
My own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fourth Oikawa work in the anthology, this time a much darker look on his presence as opposed to “A Thousand and One Nights” that opens the book. Writer’s grappling with the intrusive reminders Oikawa gives her whenever they are far apart sets the tone for the poem, and was written around the same time of their reconciliation when their encounters are slowly becoming routine – a little after some of the events in Chapters 12 and 13. It’s one of the first admission Writer has with her feelings towards Oikawa – they’re not romantic in the sense that Bokuto assumes after reading the completed anthology, but it’s enough to make both him and her question where she really stands. Can something such as this be anything other than platonic?


	14. February

Like spring, the months are fleeting  
Brief moments of time where  
Life Means Something  
And Time is Nonessential

But in your presence  
I count the ticks of a clock and  
Anticipate The Possibilities

And though time passes and  
Escapes us  
I do not fear the Unknown  
With you

Because even the shortest months  
Can grant us  
The most beautiful  
Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first poem in the entire anthology about none other than Bokuto Koutarou also happens to be the second shortest one. Contrary to it’s placing in the order, “February” was written towards the end of their friendship, sometime within the timeline of Chapter 16, and was one of the last poems to be added into the final run.


	15. Prey

He is an enigma I will never understand  
Vivacious  
And like fire he burns with passion,  
I fear of catching alight

Because what does one do  
When the match is struck  
And the flame flickers  
Like a taunt before your face?

If submission is not viable  
And attacking less than suitable  
Why does acceptance still make  
The least sense

Eyes watch unweary,  
Unnerved  
A hunter honed in on their  
Unwitting prey

How does one accept defeat  
When they were never the one being beaten?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conversely, “Prey” was written after Chapter 10’s events as an attempt to grapple the true image of the writer’s new-found friend. Writer will never admit that this work was unfinished, but instead will say it was decidedly cut shorter for aesthetic purposes. In reality, she didn’t know how to continue on writing about the curiously dangerous side of Bokuto when they both began to experience the surges of affection for each other as the novel progressed.


	16. We

We were only together for months  
Mere moments when compared to  
The rest of our lives.  
So fleeting, so sparse

We only shared brief seconds at a time  
Mere encounters barely stringing  
Together sentiment and sentences  
Paint my blues a little lighter

We weaved a new tale together  
Even if it was for a second  
And while we hoped it would last  
It didn’t.

You were always thrilling  
Electric  
Filled with an energy I could never match,  
That I never wanted to part from

You and I  
Are two different stories  
With two different goals  
Too different from each other

You made my heart race  
And now my guilt consumes my consciousness  
The pace is slow  
A dull thump of guilt

I didn’t know if I was sad  
until you came along  
And now I don’t know  
If that sadness always existed

I could not give you everything  
You wanted  
Because you were always  
Too good for me

I could only be selfish and take what  
I needed  
And though I am learning to take for myself  
I am not strong enough to hold us both aloft

I will wallow in the guilt  
And wait for the day  
You come back to me  
And forgive me again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only other poem to be quoted in full by a character, this is the third poem explicitly written about Bokuto. And despite it’s place in the anthology, it was the last work to be added into the final copy, being written two days after the cliff-hanger between the pair in Chapter 16. It’s similar in style to “Trust” in that it was written as a type of placeholder in their relationship, in between all the drama that a confession can warrant. It, unknowingly, becomes the framework Bokuto follows in attempting to reconcile with the writer from Chapter 29 and well into the Epilogue.


	17. For a Thought

A foot taps

A knee bounces

My will to live decreases by the second  
And my soul leaves my body

As she takes in my demeanour  
She is anything but a comfort  
Advertised by word of mouth

Fist in mouth I wonder  
Is this what it is like to wear  
A shoe on the wrong foot

Welcoming disposition  
Contrast to the warmth between sterile walls  
The unease settles like the dust on the sill  
And threatens to choke whatever vitality I lie about

And between the scratches of ink and metal against paper  
I hear her voice ring out

Penny for your thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interestingly enough, this one is written about Writer’s therapist, Doctor Nakamura Michi, and is inspired by the very brief encounters you got glimpses of throughout the story. “For a Thought” attempts to disclose the unnerve Writer felt whenever in a session with the therapist, building up the internal fear before hearing an unwarranted prompt to divulge in the weaknesses she’d rather not admit. Not her favourite poem, but it’s certainly brought up again by both Nakamura in another session, and the therapist’s briefly mentioned niece.


	18. If and When

Forgive and Forget  
A concept I have learnt  
But not one I have used in my life  
Willingly.

Though I am able to see reason  
I cannot see who you are  
Too much darkness clouds  
The image you want me to know

I feel guilt  
I feel sympathy  
I feel sadness  
But I do not feel belonging

And while I try to forgive  
And while I try to forget  
There will always be a apart of me that is unable to  
Let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another work with a questionable origin, this poem in particular focuses more on the feelings Writer has towards her father. Written in the wake of Chapter 13’s encounter, “If and When” attempts to vocalises the insecurities Writer shared with Oikawa about her relationship with her father, and how she understands the two are both at fault. Short and simple, like everything else in the father-daughter relationship, it is one of the more explicit works in the anthology. It won’t happen overnight, and it won’t happen because of a poem, but Writer can’t be sure if forgiveness will ever find its way to them both.


	19. Half

Is this what life is like?  
Disappointment and dread  
For what the world   
Can offer me?

If so I don’t want it

And yet I cannot imagine  
A life I love  
Where I am not  
Plagued with the concerns of tomorrow

I don’t know if content can exist  
In this reality I’ve made  
But I do know  
Sadness will never leave me

And it will continue to linger  
Until I can accept  
The need for happiness  
In a world stagnation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another introspective piece, “Half” was written in another drunken stupor sometime after Chapter 13 after the frustrations of the encroaching deadline, and the reminder of her interview and encounter with Oe Kenzaburo from previous chapters in the story. Blunt, again like the previous one, it’s a demonstration of the natural bull-headed nature Writer will need rectify if she wants any type of change to happen within her life.


	20. Understand

I am unsure if I will ever mean something  
Or gain satisfaction  
Or find worth in my words  
Or ever truly be happy

But there are few things I am sure of

I am sure that life is beautiful;  
(despite all its flaws)  
and that some stories warm my heart  
and others break it  
That I will forever watch with tired eyes  
For the memories I can share,  
Can hide in the shadowy corners  
And engrave as part of  
My Own

I am sure that love exists  
Not a fairy-tale I have read in my youth  
Or gave up on in age  
When there are those around me  
So willing to sacrifice themselves  
For lost causes like my own

I am sure that I will wrong my rights  
And I will write the wrongs  
I have yet to make  
Because what else is  
Art to be if not  
A means to have  
You learn

I am sure that I will be sad  
As happiness is just a word  
And sadness scars like a burn  
But Lord help me if I  
Do Not Try

  
And above all else;  
I am sure that understanding will reach me  
Someday

Because life finds a way  
And fate as led me to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending poem is a mix of an introspective piece and a work thanking the people she had previously written about. Beneath all of that, however, there is subtle allusion to one person in particular which, for all intents and purposes, is Oikawa. Most readings consider this to be the fifth poem written about the mysterious muse adopted by Writer, but she will never confirm it – even after the two are shown to be in a relationship in the aftermath of the Epilogue. 
> 
> And there you go! All of the works in the Observations anthology! Sorry if the notes were a little unhelpful or lacklustre, but I figured hey, there isn’t anything fun about me giving you all the answers to these questions. That’s not what Writer-chan would have wanted you to do.
> 
> And _hopefully_ this can hold you all over until my next works are released! It's been a rough semester but there's progress, still a tentative October/November release date for Kuroo and Bokuto!


End file.
